Hoffarth: Celebrate NFL good times? C’mon …

What’s the proper way to celebrate the start of this NFL season?

Keep in mind, it’s the first time in a long, lonesome while we’ve had two L.A. teams in our charge, ramming themselves into our Sunday to-do schedules, raiding our right to peacefully assemble and find whatever channel the Oakland game is on.

Jeer or sneer? Fist pump or an open palm smack to the forehead?

Factor in one more thing: The NFL has updated its celebration guidelines. The memo last spring from commissioner Roger Goodell appears to bring back some things that have been stifling creativity upon taking the ball to the house.

Roger says relax. They’re already printing T-shirts.

Following his lead, but without trying to curb our enthusiasm, we must abide by the dude. Just know you could be penalized by your Homeowners Association board or cause an embarrassing visit from the Neighborhood Watch captain.

Upon further review, we are willing to try ….

Snow angels? Why not.

Grab a ball, fully inflated, make sure there’s no street sweeping that day, and lay it all on the asphalt. And despite what you may have heard about Newton’s laws, the ground still cannot cause a fumble, and both feet must be in bounds.

Pretending to shoot an arrow into the sky? Unacceptable.

Arizona Diamondbacks closer Fernando Rodney cocked his hat crooked and did just that one too many times against the Dodgers after closing out victories the past two weeks, yet the MLB gave him the green arrow. The NFL says no, because it is mimicking an act of violence – so that also eliminates firing pretend guns in the air like Yosemite Sam.

Standing in your window and pretending to pull your pants down to moon your neighbors? What did we learn about looking directly at rare solar eclipses? Divert your eyes.

Actually, this is a gray area, apparently. We need a Randy Moss to re-push the limits of poor taste.

Twerking, dabbing, flexing, genuflecting, rolling dice on a crap table, starting a pretend bonfire, slide stepping, moonwalking, taking selfies, double-dutch phantom jump roping, doing CPR on the ball, hiding inside a Salvation Army kettle, reviving dirty birds and salsa dances, trying to slam-dunk the ball through the goal posts … there are all sorts of lines to be dotted and crossed here.

Channeling our inner Hingle McCringleberry may lead to all kinds of cringe-worthy controversy.

From the Thursday night opener in New England, we watched with some glee as Kansas City tight end Demetrius Harris scored his team’s first touchdown and, as a former basketball player might want to do, took a few pretend dribbles with the football and shot it like a free throw, then went into some sort of Ray Lewis or Shaquille O’Neal shimmy before the NBC cameras turned away.

No flags. No problem. No wonder. No one saw that coming.

As we guess what the judges will say about any of these interpretive dance moves, the one guarantee for our Rams and Chargers when it comes to the updated rules: Based on their skill sets, they shouldn’t stay up late trying to choreograph anything. There’ll be few chances – if any – to try out a Coliseum Climb or StubHub Shuffle that competes with a Lambeau Leap.

Instead, research the proper reaction to a series of red-zone-stalled 21-yard field goals.

== In the Mizzou opener against rival Missouri State last week, freshman running back Damarea Crockett had a 75-yard third-quarter TD taken off the board, plus a 15-yard penalty, because the officials thought it was sophomoric that he launched himself the last couple of yards untouched into the end zone.

According to the college football rulebook, a penalty-inducing celebration is “any delayed, excessive, prolonged or choreographed act by which a player (or players) attempts to focus attention upon himself (or themselves).”

Are Sam Darnold and Josh Rosen up to speed on this, should they decide to strike a Heisman pose this season after turning a scramble into a touchdown run?

== Who, what or where do you put the most blame for the Dodgers’ recent dog-days downturn?

A) It all started with that home series against Milwaukee when they were made to wear those stupid softball jerseys with nicknames on the back and the powder-blue “D” script caps.

B) The late-August Sports Illustrated cover story calling them “Best. Team. Ever?” Which prompted Dodgers TV reporter Alanna Rizzo to suggest that the question mark be replaced with a period, because it’s true.

C) Not having Charlie Culberson on the roster before the Sept. 1 call-ups.

D) More games appearing on KTLA-Channel 5 for free on Tuesday nights. Too much pressure. Performance anxiety.

E) Dodgers co-owner Magic Johnson being an accomplice to a $500,000 NBA fine for tampering.

Got any other bright ideas?

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